Saturday, August 18, 2012

What Was Missing

Moving to Chicago has been one of the most adventurous things I've ever done in my life. However, once we arrived, I found myself feeling less adventurous than ever. I'm a very anxious person, and in the course of all of the stressful new happenings, I've receded pretty far into my shell. As I mentioned in my last post, this has manifested itself in many ways, the most disturbing of which was a lack of desire to knit. I've been working on a sock (pictured in the last post) off and on, but I'm not particularly motivated. This is mostly because the yarn is one chosen in the early days of my knitting career, and one I don't particularly care for. Also, I know that it's one of my last balls of sock yarn (that in planning to use for socks,) and so I'm not over eager to finish it and leave myself with nothing to knit socks with. I thought that perhaps I needed a greater challenge, so last night, I excitedly wound up three hanks of Malabrigo Lace, with the plan of starting a Totally Badass Big Girl Laceweight Project. But, I found myself agonizing over the delicacy of the lace weight, and eventually stepped away after winding it, and spent my night doing nothing in particular. Thus it has been lately, but tonight I was feeling particularly inspired, and decided it was time. So, I grabbed the Mal Lace, and cast on the intended Badass Project: Queen Anne's Lace. Despite last night's horror over the fragility of the lace weight, I now find the yarn perfectly resilient, and I hadn't knitted for long before I felt a very specific feeling, one that has eluded me since we moved here: peace, satisfaction, and (most importantly) hope. Much like the lace weight, hope often appears fragile, but proves itself quite resilient when one trusts it under pressure. I've been spending so much time focusing on the negative that I was blocking out what I needed most. Now that I've figured that out, tomorrow looks entirely different. Regardless of anything else in my day, two things will most certainly be there: knitting, and hope. I'm knitting this epic piece of lace out of a colorway called Verde Esperanza, which was a very helpful hint, when I was ready to accept it. So, I'll be calling this lovely green shawl Esperanza. Hope starts very small, but it grows quickly into something strong and beautiful, if one is willing to put in the work.

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