Victory

Esperanza is complete. I have three rows of plain knitting, and then I cast off. I can't believe she's done. It's been hours of work, and I'm so happy with the result, so far. I can't wait to see her blocked! Completing Esperanza is extremely meaningful for me. I cast her on as a symbol of hope, and as she grew, so did I. Things are so much better in my life than they were the day I cast her on, and it's so wonderful to have a physical manifestation of all of the work that went into that change. I can't wait to share pictures of her, completely finished. My Green Hope has grown into something truly lovely.

Doing Things Right

It has been so long since I've posted on my blog that I almost couldn't remember how to log in. When classes resumed, my life got so busy and stressful that I haven't finished more than a couple of projects. However, last night I realized something that really reset my perspective. I usually knit to relax, help relieve stress, and to enjoy myself. However, I have been turning away from my knitting over and over again because the lace is too complicated for my tired mind and eyes. Last night, we were passing by a Michael's, and I suddenly decided that I needed something. I went in and bought a ball of wool and some aluminum straights, and cast on a garter stitch scarf on the spot. After knitting about ten rows, I had everything all figured out.

I am officially resigning from the Ten Shawls in 2010 Challenge. When I started working on that scarf, I had red flags waving in my brain, telling me that I'd never get the four remaining shawls done if I wasted my time making something else. I beat myself up about it for a while, and then realized that the whole reason that I knit has gone out the window for the past few months, all because I've been pressuring myself over this challenge.




This school year has been the most stressful one yet, and I certainly don't need to be spending my free time freaking out about having to knit four more shawls before midnight on New Year's Eve. Also, I'd rather work at my own pace on complex shawls that I love than churn out four more simple ones just for the sake of completing the challenge--that's not what it's about. So, instead of trying all the way to the end and failing, I am acknowledging that this is what is best for me and my mental health, and I am making my garter stitch scarf. After that, I'm dreaming of mittens and socks and maybe a sweater. The moment I gave myself permission to stop stressing over the shawls, I remembered why I love to knit.

So, I'm going to return to the stress-relieving creative outlet that knitting is supposed to be. I don't know why I took so long to figure this out. I feel better already.

Look for some posts soon with older projects that haven't made it up yet. I hope that everyone is well, and that at least a few people still check my blog!

Travels

My Traveling Woman is finished.





The Details:
Pattern:Traveling Woman by Liz Abinanthe
Yarn: Knitpicks Palette in "Fairy Tale"
Needles: US 5 KA Bamboo Circulars for the body, US 8 KA Bamboo Circulars for the bind off. (I'm really glad I did this, my bind off had tons of stretch.)


When I cast on for this shawl, I planned for it to be a clever project while on my trip to Memphis to perform the Brahms requiem with the choir. A fourteen hour round trip, my knitter friend Amanda (bicyclefairy on Ravelry) at my side, I figured I'd be nearly done by the time I got home, and I'd be able to say that I made "Traveling Woman" on my trip.



Well, first of all, this shawl took me two months to finish, partially because it was the hardest thing I've made so far, and partially because I've been busier than I've ever been in my life. There was a great deal of physical journeying before it was done.

However, I had no idea when I started this project how much of a mental and emotional journey I would go though before I bound off. In the course of this shawl, I performed two requiems, an opera, and Carmina Burana. The Brahms requiem changed my life. I came home from Memphis a new and better musician, and my eyes were permanently open to why I do what I do. The independence of the trip was needed, especially since I had some family problems a few days beforehand. I think, in some ways, the problems that I was having before I left were really what sparked the change in mindset.



Anyway, I feel like all of the things that have gone on in the past few months have changed the way I think. I am a much better performer now, because I've finally figured out how I feel about my career. I have also figured out how I feel about people in my life that have brought me nothing but sorrow.



I've spent much of the last two years missing my friends, because I "don't have time" to see them. Well, I've been making time.






and it's been amazing.





I also sat back and really assessed what in my life makes me happy, and what doesn't. As a result, this will be the first summer of my adult life that I will not be working myself to death at a place where I am both unappreciated and unsatisfied.

This summer will be a summer of knitting, books, movies, and most importantly, friends. I'm not going to be wasting any more of my time.

As happy as I am, both with the shawl and my revelations, I bound off in sadness, because I found out last night that a dear friend of mine will be having heart surgery on Monday. He is elderly, and this will be hard, no matter what the outcome. I have been praying for him day and night, and I hope that anyone inclined to pray who reads this will also offer their prayers for Mr. Bill Thomas.



So, as I sit now with my Traveling Woman wrapped around my shoulders, I know that it was not physical travels that lay before me, but a journey to a better realization of who I am, and what's truly important to me.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

The past couple of weeks have been a whirling race to the finish line, to the end, to the beginning of the eternal weekend that is summer.

The opera is on Monday. After that, a presentation, exams, and I'm done.

Not only am I done, but this summer will be the first real summer of freedom for six years. The last time I had a summer of freedom, I was pretty much a child. I decided that how I usually spend my summers has really not been good for me for quite a few summers now, and I'm ready to be free of that and have a summer of relaxation and actually doing things that I want to do.

There have been many revelations as of late, and life is getting pretty great from where I stand. I just have to get through these last few crazy things.

When the opera's over, there will be much posting of pictures and telling of stories. I promise, I will be back soon, with tales of victory.

Oh--and I finally saw Blade Runner today. It was awesome.

Amazing Grace

The New Orleans Saints just won the SuperBowl.


I really don't have anything to say. It's going to take a while to sink in.


The past two days have been 100% victory. My show went SO well.


and the Saints WON THE SUPERBOWL.


I think you have to live in New Orleans to really understand.

Deep Breath

This week, this month, the past six months have all been leading up to today. Tonight, for the first and last time, I'm going to go sing my role in the opera. I'm a little anxious, but I always am when I'm waiting to get started. Once I'm up there, I feel great.

It's been a very hectic time for me. The construction in the city has only made it harder to get around, but I try to enjoy the little moments, regardless. I think that may be another reason why I wanted to do Simple Things first. It's all about the mindset. Enjoying little moments of beauty is what makes life worth living.



Here are the long-awaited photos of my brother's scarf:






He really likes it, but of course it's gotten warm since I made it, so he can't wear it. That's how it always goes, though. I made it with Impeccable, by Loops & Threads, and killed the acrylic by ironing it with a wet cloth over it.

Sunday, the Saints play in the Superbowl. That's really all I'm going to say about it. We'll see how it goes.

I finally managed to sit down and start my Simple Things shawl yesterday. I had been waiting on the right needles to come in the mail. I planted my butt in a sunny side room of my university's library, and cast on several times until I was finally satisfied. Since then, I've done quite a bit of it, and I'm quite pleased so far! I'm loving the pattern. It's so clear and approachable. Mary-Heather's pattern writing style makes me feel very comfortable. I'm going to work on it for a while before I leave to do the show tonight.






By the next time I post here, all of my work for Pirates will have culminated in-- God willing--a fantastic show, and we'll know who won the SuperBowl.

Everyone, take a deep breath.

Reflections in Ice

My holiday has come to a close, and I sit watching as the day grows ever closer. It bothers me how few of my goals I have accomplished over the break. But, the fact that I have all of these goals bothers me as well. I set up so many expectations for my free time, and when it doesn't all fit, I feel as if I've failed. But, if I didn't make the plans, I'd feel unproductive.

The weather hasn't been so cold here in a very long time. There are icicles. Icicles. My hands are cracked and dry from the cold, and I'm trying my hardest to get them back to normal.

I'm not ready to go back to school. The next months are going to be very difficult, because I am preparing two requiems, and an opera. Then, I have midterms. That's the short version, anyway. There are actually lots of other things to fill what few gaps are left in my schedule. However, I did discover today that my class schedule will be lighter than it's ever been, simply because I'm done with my piano courses. I'm starting to believe that it really does get easier as it goes on. I hope so. Last year was much harder than this year in some ways, but in other ways, it was a cake walk.

I am sometimes amazed by how much I've grown up, and how much my family has grown with me. I never thought it would be quite like this, and I'm very happy.

This holiday, the weather, and the wheels of life turning. Things are growing under the ice.